what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
