When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize