I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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