I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
