Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
