someone get that fucking seahorse.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
