; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
