Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
