She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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