NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
