we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Everyone says I win the strip club
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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