my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
