I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
