is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
