dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
