Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
