...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
