i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
