Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
