Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Vodka?
Forever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
