i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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