Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
