im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
