I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
