Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
