I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
