did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just invented taco cereal.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
