In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
