tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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