she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
