I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize