its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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