dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
