So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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