dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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