Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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