He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
