So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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