oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
