I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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