I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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