it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
