singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
