I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
