In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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