i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize