He told me they were just razor bumps!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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