There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
