glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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