Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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