he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize