Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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