I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
