My hair reeks of homosexuality.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
