you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
