Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
