I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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