it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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