Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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