Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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