The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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