after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
