this beer tastes like vomit already
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
