True but thats because hes a fetus.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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