Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
