he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
