I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize