remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
