You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
