I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
