Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
