He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
