OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
