Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
