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And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
