Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
