The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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