whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
