we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
