If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
