But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize