this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
