The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
