somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
