1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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