Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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