the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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