It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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