My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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