He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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